I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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