porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
