Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
