Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
