I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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