i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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