please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
