HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
