We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
