Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
