When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
