my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
