I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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