I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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