Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
