...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
