That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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