is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Can I color on your dick again?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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