You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
