I have demons in me.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
