did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize