if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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