yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
