youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
