yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
