oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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