Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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