Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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