he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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