can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
