I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
