I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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