You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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