I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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