What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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