Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
