sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
