Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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