Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
