I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
