my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
