you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
