You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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