Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
