I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
