Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
