i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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