the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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