u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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