Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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