they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
