i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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