His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
