The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
