The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
