you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I have tasted many bathrooms
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
