i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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