Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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