He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
