It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
