I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
