She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
