32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
