i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
