I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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