If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
