Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
