I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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