Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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