I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
