I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
