This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
