Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
