You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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