I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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