well you can't waste a boner
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
