what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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