sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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