My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
