I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
