There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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