well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
