She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
