I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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