You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
That's how pantless uber rides happen
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
