I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
