pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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