I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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