she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
