bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
