My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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