He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
