Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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