I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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