My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
