have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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