We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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