She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
