That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize