you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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